Gratitude....

Every morning I wake up, pull my crazy hair into a pony tail, wipe the sleepies from my eyes. Why do I get up every morning & do all that I do??? I do it for these boys, they are my world.

Brothers, Best Friends, Comforter, Snuggle Buddies & Play Mates 

I am so grateful they are mine!

Self Body Image

I do not care what any woman says, they are never ever satisfied with their body image. A good friend Shawna & I had a conversation of Facebook earlier about SBI* & I admit, I am not satisfied with my SBI.

*Self Body Image (I am too lazy to time that a million times)


I am pregnant & that really has nothing to do with it, except being pregnant to begin with didn't help along that SBI. Have I ever been truly satisfied with my body? Not for as long as I can remember. Now I was not an anorexic 9 year old, but I have had a pudgy belly the majority of my life. (Thank you Noland side of the family!) Stomachs are hard to "cover" unlike big butt that guys drool over. You never hear "Look at that girls  gut." I have no butt to even be spoke of, I have weird little bird legs and a double chin that tries to take over my face.

If someone asked me, what is one thing that you would surgically change about yourself? It would be my stupid double chin, that would be followed closely by a tummy tuck, real close. Would it do any good at all though? NOPE! I am sure I would then move onto my flabby arms or my "hello I've had 3 kids" drooping chest.

I know that Dove has a campaign, I think they call it "Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty" (yes, I just googled that) They created this amazing video to show girls & women... Well here, watch this....

It's a pretty amazing video of the "evolution" that goes on when professional are involved. They just took an average looking woman, just like you & I and made her "billboard perfect." Where are those people when I want to look good? The majority of the time I could care less about my looks. If I really cared I would not constantly walk around in t-shirts, yoga pants & my hair up in a unbrushed ponytail. Does that have something to do with being pregnant & the Momma of 2 small boys, uh, probably.

With a daughter on the way, it worries me. I don't want her to grow up wishing she was something or someone else. While I may not be satisfied with my body, I am VERY proud of who I am as a whole, fat rolls & all. My friends love me for my personality, my wit, my heart & not for my good looks. My husband loves me for me! He had definitely had skinnier girlfriends in the past, some have had prettier hair, he's dated the cheerleader typer & the preps. It obviously wasn't what he wanted or was meant to be, because he married me. (I won't go into how one was psycho, that is a whole different post haha!) I want Neeley Kayt to find someone who loves her for whats on the inside & not want on the out. That "someone" can wait 40 years to come along, but I hope her Prince Charming just loves her for her.

I hope I never find her crying in the mirror because she thinks "she's fat" or upset because some pin headed boy called her ugly. (Thank God for big brother to handle pin headed boys like that. Fighting is not allowed, unless someone is mean to your sister... or tries to kiss her!!!! *kidding, kind of) I also hope my boys are not pin headed & say mean things to girl who might not be as skinny or pretty as the girls that are portrayed on television are. (And yes, I will knock there heads off if I find out that they say or do something mean to a girl.) 


I recently went to my great aunts 80th birthday party. Her sweet husband Max made her birthday card. On the front it had a picture of Margie when she was 17 or 18, it was the picture taken of her for winning "Carnival Homecoming Queen" and read "What is as beautiful as this Homecoming Queen?" On the inside was a recent picture of her & it read (I cannot remember exactly so don't kill me) "This beauty Queen at 80 years old." All the women in my family nearly died when they read it, it was the sweetest thing every. Max loves Margie for Margie even though she is still beautiful, she's 80. I am certain he loves her more for whats on the inside than the outside. 


I am going out on a whim here to say that I think girls & women who become so obsessed with their looks, hair, make-up, fashion, etc. lose sight of themselves. Not to mention they become very full of themselves, if they are indeed pretty & are really hard to like, they are not true to who they really are. I also cringe when girls annoyingly carry on about "being fat" or "ugly." Just shut up, if it's attention you want, you are not going about it in a good way. Confidence will get you a lot more attention than a "whoa is me pity party."  I have also had "Pity Parties" myself, they don't last long & are normally silenced with a cookie. 

You just have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Everyone grows old, everyone becomes saggy, everyone get wrinkles & black hair when you're 80 is not natural. Sure, I want to lose weight, but I doubt my husband will love me more. Hopefully I will be more accepting of myself & love myself a little more. I also want to do it to be an example to my children that you should love yourself for you! I also don't want to kick the bucket anytime soon, I want to live a long healthy life. I have to make my kids life miserable you know.

Tattoos

    I was not going to blog today because I didn't really have anything to say but.... I came across something & well the snark in me took over! I just have to put this out there.

*Before reading ahead let's get one thing clear here, this is my blog & I will say what I please. If you cannot handle it there is a small "x" at the top of the page & you can help yourself. Don't leave me some nasty comment about your tattoo & I do not need a justification as to why you have a permanent unicorn tattooed on your back. I do not mean any offense by this, it's just me being me, saying what I think. Ha! Who would have ever imagined! Carry on* 


    First let me start by saying YES, I do indeed have a tattoo & NO, I am NOT against tattoo's. I understand that tattoo's are the latest and greatest fad, most are in someway sentimental to the individual. What I do not understand is when I see a "hairdresser" get a scissor tattoo. (And Jaclyn if you do this I will make so much fun of you! Seriously reconsider!) There are a lot people who are passionate about their work. Accountants, Lawyer, Police Officers, Doctors, even Stay at home Momma are passionate about raising their babies.

    So that said, should an accountant get a ledger tattooed on their ankle, or a Lawyer get 'Lady Justice' on their back? Could you really take a officer serious if he walked up and had handcuff tattooed on their wrist? Absolutely not, I would burst out laughing & probably laugh all the way to the pokey. How could you really hear a diagnosis from a doctor who has a syringe tattooed down the inside of his arm? You just simply couldn't, it's not professional, but I know that hairdresser are not doctors.

    What about jobs that are deemed less professional, more of a blue collar jobs. For instance Mechanics or Construction workers. My husband is a mechanic & I would never allow him to get a engine rod tattooed on him or a chainsaw. Construction workers don't walk around with hammer & screwdrivers tattooed on them. Truck drivers do not have the 'Mac bulldog' tattooed on them. *Correction: Anyone could very well have any of these things tattooed on them. If they do well, I consider their tattoo's just as ridiculous as a pair of scissors. 

    We are from the land of hillbillies & hicks, I know people around here get some of the stupidest tattoo's.  Some including favorite race car drivers, vehicle brands, pot leaves, etc. I think all of those are just as stupid. I guess what I am getting at the fact that you* have to live with these tattoo's forever.


*Yes, I say "YOU" not me so why should I give a crap, but let's be realistic here. 


    I just hope you don't have to have a conversation someday that go a little like this, "Yes sonny, that there is a merrywanny leaf. Pappy here just use to smoke a little herb back in his day"

    While I think some tattoo's are totally stupid, some are very meaningful. I have seen mothers who have lost babies get tattoo's in honor. Nothing show's pride like a old solider or sailor walking around with a tattoo to represent their time served. It's is on their arm just like it will always be on their hearts.

   Just imagine if everyone in the 70's got tattoo's related to that generation & their lifestyles. We would have a bunch of former hippies walking around with unicorns, rainbows, purple dragons & whatever else they happened to experience while on a acid induced trip. People in the 80's would have eight tracks & atari tattoos. Individuals of the 90's would probably have beanie babies & furbies tattoo's for heaven sake.

    I just hope that before you get your next tattoo you remember that in 20 you probably won't still be a hairdresser & you people probably won't even know who was the "World's Greatest Nascar driver" was.

    One last thing, if you do decided to get those handcuffs please, PLEASE go to someone that is reputable. My mom once worked with a girl who wanted her brother to tattoo a "shroom" (Yes, Mushroom  that you ingest & get incredibly high) on her back. Her dearest brother was much obliged, he gave her a tattoo alright. Can you imagine being 15 and super excited about this new tattoo that your totally awesome older brother gave you. I bet you are dying to get to first hour and show all the other girls & guys how awesome you are cause you got a tattoo. Too bad her brother tattoo a penis on her sholder blade, YES you read that right, A PENIS FOREVER ON HER BACK!!!! 

    Now back to your regularly scheduled programing....

Cleaning... is it really necessary?

Many of you that follow me on Twitter or if we're friends on Facebook, then you've seen my cries. The majority of the time I absolutely despise cleaning. I would become a filthy rich Momma if I could invent a "self cleaning house." Don't get me wrong, I like my house to be clean, I just don't want to do it myself. I have before mentioned that I wished "nesting" was like a permanent disorder. Why can't I want to clean? It's so pathetic that I sometimes have to buy new cleaners or laundry soaps just to give me a little inspiration to clean. 


No, we do not live in a pig sty, but sometimes it gets a little messy. My laundry piles up, A LOT books & toys get stung about and shoes get left out. I can say though, for the most part unless I am sick or really busy my dishes stay done. That is the one thing that I do not like, dirty dishes & I don't mind doing dishes. My bathroom gets neglected, toilet paper rolls miss the trashcan & lay around, laundry piles up yet again and I leave my stuff laying around on the counters. 


Now, let me be clear, it never takes me more than a couple of hours to completely clean my house; that is if I stick to it. I just have a bad habit of loading the dishwasher & then checking Facebook, sticking a load of laundry in & then checking Twitter, picking up all the toys & then getting side tracked making lunch. Like now, I could be vacuuming but I'm sitting here blogging.


My Twitter friend Melissa (@lipstickbliss  <--You should follow her if you do not already, shes a hoot!) blogged the other day about her cleaning products. So since I am cleaning today I figured I would do the same. 

L to R: Cascasde Action packs, Lysol Disinfecting wipes, Lysol Toilet bowl cleaner with Bleach, Method Multi-purpose cleaner, Method Anti-bacterial cleaner, Vinegar (way in the back), Era, Shout. 

Most of those are pretty self explanatory, I will though profess my love for a few of them & tell you about a couple I didn't photograph.

Cascade: Like I said I like doing dishes, it's about the only thing I like to do that is cleaning related. I love the little 'Action packs' because I am a slacker & refuse to pre-wash dishes. I do rinse them off, but I am not going to scrub them & what not. They really get my dishes clean, I have tried numerous other brands & types, they just don't hold a flame to the Cascade brand. 

Lysol: Something have to be bleached, our toilet is one. With 3 men & a Momma who had (thankfully past tense) fierce morning sickness, the toilet has to be clean. Nothing like your head in the toilet to realize that men have terrible aim. 'Nuff said!

Method: I really REALLY love these products. Not only do they give me a reason to head to target, they work. They are all natural, so they are safe to have around the boys. If one of the wild chillens grab hold & squirt 1/2 a bottle I know they will be safe. (Except I might be a little pissed that they wasted it, it won't hurt them.) I use the disinfecting one about every 2 days & the regular multi-purpose cleaner in between. 

Vinegar: It's a wonderful cleaner mixed 50:50 with water & is a miracle worker when it comes to laundry. I use a lot of vinegar.

Era & Shout: First I am in love with the smell of Era & equally in love with the price. Jake is a mechanic, that mean only one thing, DIRT & GREASE! Jace & Bri are messy, dirty little boys- Era really does a wonderful job getting all the stains out. Not to mention I could blissfully live in a world that smelled like Era. (It could be boarder line obsession.) I could not live without Shout! Like I said the boys are messy & honestly, I am a bit of a kluts as well. I tend to only drop red colored food on white shirts, it's annoying. Shout saves our clothes, I hate stains!! 

Not pictured:

Swiffer duster: It does it's job with the least amout of effort. It's a win/win situation. 

This bad girl is like Rosie Jetson around here. This is my Shark Deluxe steam mop & we are madly in love. She makes mopping a total breeze! She also only cleans with water, no harsh chemicals. The steam gets REAL hot, I have to mop with socks cause I am afraid I will burn my feet. My floor sparkle when I am done, I just pull the mop head off & throw the cloth in the washer. I would highly recommend a Shark Steam cleaner to anyone & everyone. It was worth every single penny. Mine came with 3 different attachment & 2 cleaning cloths for each head. There is a cheaper model that is not two sided, but I love the deluxe. When I bought mine Bed Bath & Beyond had a 20% coupon for signing up an e-mail address, so I save a little with that. 

While cleaning may be necessary, that doesn't mean I do not loath it sometimes. I have had spurts of nesting & I take FULL advantage of them. Too bad nesting won't stick around forever :( Here's an idea: How about I just sell a bunch of stuff & I would have a lot to clean & less laundry to do. Too bad I have a weird attachment to almost everything. If I'm not attached to it's probably already gone, like most of my husband stuff. *evil laugh* 

So my only advice is loud music, sunshine & open windows can do amazing things for motivation. That my friend is the 'dirty' to my cleaning. And one day when I'm rich I will be paying someone to do all of it, too bad the kids will be gone by then. *sigh*

Happy Scrubbing! 

*Lastly a side note: I want everyone to note what an idiot I am. I am normally on top of upgrades & newer versions. I think I am the only person who get excited when Twitter or Facebook changes something. I love the #newtwitter with a passion & Facebook too. Back to why I am a idiot, well... I have been using the really old version of posting here on Blogger. The other day I was asking a friend how to slash something out. Well dingbat, if you had the new Blogger it would be right at the top. No worries though, I do believe that I am up to date, just in time for something else to change. :) 

Redemption is sweet...

I have failed miserably at life. It's true, It's a past that I cannot run and hide from. Sometimes those mistakes run through my mind daily, other times I don't think about it for days.

Failure is a common feeling, I feel like I failed my husband, myself, my morals & the commitment I made to my husband & God. I took a vow & then a few short months later, let them go. Did I mean every word I said that October day in 2005? Absolutely, with all my heart. I would cry when we were separated, I wanted so bad to have that love, bliss & desire back that I had just a few short months before.

I am still to this day not sure what caused that turmoil, it could have been a number of things. I was young, very young. Barely 18 I was still a kid, I was making a commitment that was for the REST of my life. I was the baby, a spoiled rotten baby. I was use to everything being MINE for ME! It's hard go from a selfish child to a adult that is now a teammate. We had family that moved in a 2 months after we married. There was no other choice, but that selfish child in me acted just like that. Marriage is H.A.R.D absolutely NO denying that.

I gave up far to easy, I was selfish & I was inconsiderate. When I was done, I was done. I only cared about myself & my feeling. I was jealous of my friends who were headed off to college, dating & partying. I paid no consideration to the one person that loved me unconditionally & was doing everything in his power to give me what I wanted, when I wanted. I was stupid.

While Jake is not perfect, looking back the majority of the issues were my fault. That is hard to accept sometimes, I wanted so bad to have the best of both worlds. I secretly battled depression, my heart was full of discontent & envy. The one person I needed to turn to, I turned my back on.

It made for a LONG first year of marriage. Numerous time after I would royally screw up, I would beg for forgiveness, promise I had changed, attempted to be "grown up" & committed back to my husband. It wouldn't be long before I would screw it all up again. My patient, forgiving, understanding husband soon lost patience with me. I know he never stopped loving me, but it can be hard to like someone who intentionally hurts you over and over again. He was giving up on those promises & that commitment. I will never forget the last time I begged for forgiveness. It was the end of September, we were closing in on a year of marriage & he was closing out on me (with reason, I don't hold that again him for one second). I sobbed & cried, I begged & pleaded. Something told me to beg, plead, sob & cry. I think God told me, "Whitney, if you give up it is done." The stubborn in me was strong that night, but I was at his will. I would have done anything that night, it crushed my soul to hear he "wanted a divorce." Reality kicked me right in the face, but I wasn't giving up! It was as if the childish, selfish, brat just got up and walked out. The normal (for that time being) Whitney would have been begged for a while, thrown a fit & turned it around on him. Something that night silenced that person, all I could do was beg, sitting on the edge of that bed with tears streaming down my cheeks.

To say I am thankful that he gave me one last chance would be a complete & total understatement. Where would my life be today had he not given me that millionth chance? I cannot answer that question, I can only assume I would have learned a all new low, I would have fought demons I had never seen, I would have cried more tears than imaginable. While the events & actions of those 8 or 9 months were terrible, they are no longer relevant. I refuse to stick on the negative, this is REDEMPTION!!!  A few weeks after that terrible, but redeeming night Jake & I sat down & had a talk. I explained to that I was indeed a terrible wife & while I probably didn't deserve a second chance, I was thankful. We agreed that night that we would simply forgive, we wouldn't mention those days. He knew I was not perfect, but he did not want the details.

It took quite some time for him to trust me, I expected that. Through all that time God never turned his back on me, he did though allow me to hurt. He was teaching me a lesson and I learned so VERY VERY much. God rewarded us, just one short month after our reconciliation. He gave us purpose, he gave us drive, he gave us a all new meaning to life. God gave us a child! While Jace didn't save our marriage (God did), he sure made it sweet. We were shown the promises of life in his sweet face.

I thank God every single day for Jake, I am so thankful he is hard working, committed, loving, caring, forgiving. While I could go on for days, I am well aware that I am the lucky one. Even though he hates to snuggle & kiss, had dry scaly feet & leaves his dirty laundry laying around; I wouldn't change him for the world.

Redemption is so very very sweet.

Bowling

Tonight Jake & I didn't have any plans, we (I saw "we" lightly, I held the light & got the ratchet extender thing ha!) had spent fixing the fuel pump in Jake's truck. It was another successful fix, thank God! So when we finally rounded up the filthy little boys, we decided to go out to eat. We went to the new little restaurant  here in town. They boys devoured a plate of blueberry French toast, Jake had country Benedict & I had some delicious ribs.

  After dinner Jake suggested we go Bowling since we hadn't done anything as a family in a while. It was a cold dreary night here & the boys were SUPER excited. We got the BIGGEST kick out of Bri, he sometimes says his "O's" funny. Well he was calling it Boooling, he was dragging the "O" out into a real long "O" sound, instead of a short "O". We could not stop laughing, I kept asking him where we were going. It was almost like he had a little British accent.

  The boys were so excited about the rockin' neon "booling" shoes & picking out their balls. They have a little metal ramp like contraption that helps little ones bowl. The boys & I took turns "booling" since I didn't think I could bowl 2 whole games by myself & still be able to walk tomorrow.

   I've said before that Jace has a huge imagination & comes up with the cutest things out of no where. Well tonight after he bowled & knocked down a bunch a pins, we all cheered. The little stinker took a bow, it was so cute I almost died!!! Where does he come up with these things?!?! Seriously the kid is a comedian!


  I think it's safe to say we all had a wonderful time. We bowled 2 games & the boys played a game of air hockey. I begged Jake to play a game with me, but he declined. If you ask me I think he was scared I would whoop him. Ha! I wish I would have had my camera, total #momfail on my part. I think for my birthday (hint to anyone reading that doesn't know what to get me) I want a point & shoot camera that I can keep in my purse. (Thank you in advance hehe!) 

  Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend! The Jace is watching Astro boy, Bri is snoozing & Jake went to play pitch. I am of course blogging :) Have a wonderful Sunday! I hope the sun is shining in the morning!

I am WAYYYY behind (31 weeks)

Second post in one day, Whoooo diddly! Actually, I wrote the majority of the last post the other day & didn't have time to finish it & hit publish. I did though want to do a pregnancy/life/everything in general update! So, here you go,

31 Week Doctors appointment update (bullet style again, it works & why fix something that isn't broken hah!)

• Princess is perfect, she's busy & she's growing right where she should be.
• I did not gain any weight HALLE-freakin-LUJAH!!!! I guess passing on all those sweets paid off, even though I DID eat some of mama's pie & Pioneer woman's Apple Dumplings.
• Due to continuing kidney pain & debilitating charlie horses the doctor thinks I may have a electrolyte imbalance. She just added a few vitamins to my prenatal & said that should help a lot. Also suggested drinking Gatorade to get some potassium.
• I go back in two weeks, it's going by sooo fast!!!!

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far along: 31 weeks 2 days

Size of the baby: Still the size of a Squash

15.2-16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. (7 months)

Total Gain/Loss: Let's just say last month sucked & this appointed I didn't gain any. Win some lose some :)

Maternity Clothes: Yes

Gender: It's a Girl!! We finally decided on a name, Neeley Kayt.

(If you ask me how to pronounce her middle then you need basic letter pronunciation skills. Sound it out... AND no "T" does not make the sound "Tee" it akes the sound "Ta" )

I signed her name on a birthday card this week so, it's that official. hah!

Movement: Girlfriend is a mover & a shaker. She can really get wound up & kick for hours!

Sleep: Ugh, Insomnia hit & hit HARD! The past few night I either cannot fall asleep or I go to sleep and wake up at 3 am and stay awake for HOURS! I am sooo over that business!

Cravings: Not a lot this week, I have been trying to be good.

And for Life, it is going. We have had our fair share of car trouble this month. Jake finally was able to fix the #1 problem we had when we bought Big Black. We knew it when we bought it & that is why we got such a good deal. Turns out it was caused by the same thing that ruined the computer in the truck. When the previous owner had it, the battery exploded & leaked acid all over the place. Well, ate through some wires, one shorted out the computer & the other was the ground pulse to the 8th injector. The injector was not actually bad it so it was a cheap fix once we figured it out. But the battery was still bad, it finally just QUIT going to Monett (just a day or two after we fixed the wire, totally coincidental) . My brother brought me the battery from Jake truck, mind you it had ALSO been going bad. Well it made it to Monett & back to Purdy, then QUIT! By this point I was beyond frustrated. Jake had to come & jump it, it started and went about 4 miles, quit again. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat... 6 times I died coming back to Cassville, finally limped it into Carquest & BOTH batteries tested bad. Just my luck! We got new bigger batteries & viola! Everything is peachy keen, except for the fact that Jake fuel pump finally bit the dust, he is replacing that today! I am so over car trouble!!!!

We sold the bass cat, you know this boat. I was a little sad to see it go but not the payment & insurance. Believe it or not Jake already has yet ANOTHER boat, but it was WAYYYY cheaper & WAYYYY less to maintain. I call it a "John boat" & he corrects me every single time, I stand corrected calling it a Aluminum boat. Maybe he will keep this one and stop this excessive buying, trading, selling habit he inherited from his father. Jake also joined a "Cigar club," I get quite a kick out of it & he doesn't think it's as funny. Oh well!

We have made absolutely NO progress on Neeley's room & it is about to make me crazy. We are in the process of finding a form of storage, we are looking at both a building or a reefer trailer. We just have a few weeks to find it. I might temporarily store things in my mom's garage, just don't tell her! *hi, mom!*

The boys are doing WONDERFUL! They haven't made me crazy yet, although they have attempted a time or two. I PROMISE I am going to have a post on them very very soon! Jace did burn his hand yesterday on a halogen light. It looks terrible, but he IS leaving the bandage on- Praise Jesus!! Bri is just being Bri lately, he spilled a whole bowl of cereal in the floor just this morning. He keeps me on my toes, little stinker!

Well until next time... All my love...

P.S. I got a new e-mail address mrskloss@gmail(dot)com

I will no longer be using whitney(dot)scentsy@gmail(dot)com

Tales from the Pregnant Momma

**Not to be confused with "Tales from the Crypt" My mother & brother use to watch that & I do believe it is the root cause of my debilitating fear of the dark. Ha, moving on**

Earlier this week I was flipping through the local newspaper & saw the public notice for "3 & 4 year old Preschool Screening." It caught me off guard, my heart sunk & my fears arose.

Jace will turn 4 on June twenty eighth, we intentionally decided to delay the start of school for two reason. One, we do not want him to be the baby of his class, boys do not mature as fast as girls. I just want him to be a "kid" as long as he can. School is quite a responsibility now & I didn't want to rob him of his childhood. Two, We wanted him to only be one year apart in school from Bri instead of two. The way their birthday falls, they could have been 2 years apart. They are the best of friends & I didn't want them to be too far apart in school.

Now most of you know I have a severe case of "Momma Bear syndrome," I also have a mad crazy temper that lays dormant. Two things really make that volcano of emotions erupt, road rage & when someone messes with my boys (or family for that matter). I am pretty positive I could be boarder line neurotic. I am not the mad psycho anymore (kidding, sort of) but more the protective, worrier type.

Back to the other day, I start thinking of Jace starting school & sadly say to Jake "Preschool screenings are coming up." Naturally his cold, heartless response is, "Wonderful, you better call and make an appointment" *heart break* I can feel that warm sensation that slowly creeps over your face before you start to cry. I almost couldn't talk, I knew if I did I would start to cry. I remind Jake how much I DON'T want to send the boys to public school. I have tried numerous times to talk him into home schooling or finding a private school to send the boys to, it all falls on deaf ears. One night when my mom & mother in law were both here we were ALL ganging up on him. It did absolutely no good, he wouldn't have any of it, his main concern is money, money, money. And while I understand that with today's economy money is tight all around, but I am almost to the point that I would give up everything to be able to provide the "best" for my babies.

I kept trying to remind him that they are not going to school with the same "type" of kids we went to school with, the majority of the kids in our town are now raised by parents with substance abuse, they are physically & emotionally abused, neglected & that scares the ever living daylights out of me. They are going to treat their classmates the same way they are treated at home. And while my heart breaks for those children, I do not want to subject my babies to that. I don't think he understands that the boys will be around those children more than they will us. They will soon become their influences & no matter how well you "raise" your kids, they will follow there influences. Unfortunately we are from one of the biggest "drug area's" of the country. Meth is horrible around here, all drugs for that matter.

Let me make one thing clear, I am not against public school, I attended public school all of my life. I am just worried that the peers are now entirely different that they were when I attended school. I remember my kindergarten teacher taking mischievous students into the wall & paddling their behinds. Now days, if teacher even look at students the wrong way parents go crazy.

I guess what I am getting at is that if any little moron decided to pick on Jace, because we all know he is so tender hearted; I might break their neck. Also, if they come home & have learned "something" that isn't curriculum related like drugs, sex, bad habits, etc. I might also kill someone. We have worked hard to raise good, polite, respectable kids & I don't want some punk ruining that. Jace has such a wild imagination & I don't want that to end. I also don't want him to be made fun of because he wants to wear rain boots every SINGLE DAY!! I just don't think I could handle seeing him come home with tears in his eyes because someone was mean to him or hurt his feelings. While he is a boy & loves to play rough he is not "mean & hurtful," he would never say something to hurt someones feelings.

So even though I basically sobbed & cried about sending him to school, Jake wants nothing to do with my ideas. I guess I need to put my big girl panties on & give it a shot. Jace is more that excited at the idea of going to "school," I just don't think he knows what he's getting into. I am going to make an appointment & have him screened. He may very well be too smart for pre-school & he may be first in line, I don't know. What I do know is, the second time (because everything deserves at least ONE chance.) He will be out, we will then weigh the options, at that point I will have a good argument to stand on with Jake & he cannot say "we didn't even try it."

Until then, I will be a nervous, worrying wreck! I may end up bald, with ulcers & in a padded room but we are going to TRY... Key work TRY..... *sigh*

Here goes nothing....

*editing to add: While I would worry just as much about Bri, he is a totally different kid. Period! He is stubborn, bossy, NOT tender hearted. Nothing phases that boy & while I would never want him to be picked on & bullied, he is more like momma & would just take care of it himself and give the kid a black eye. HA! I know I should laugh but it's the truth Bri is like me & has my attitude while Jace is more like Daddy & tries to be nice to everyone & befriend everyone. Jake is not one to wear his heart on his sleeve like Jace he is soft hearted like Jace & very caring & compassionate... Maybe Bri & I need a little work. Now, what will this little miss be like.... Oh BIG sigh, I feel the gray hairs growing in as we speak... *SOBS*

Bedtime routine update:

Well, last night did not go exactly as planned but it was a step in the right direction.

I got home from a meeting & Jake tells me that Jace stuck something in his ear. Well, CRAP! So I start questioning him & he says it hurts "weally weally bad mama, right here" (points at right ear). Well my mom just so happened to be working last night (she's a nurse) so I took him down to the hospital & had her look. Indeed he has a bulging ear drum and it was bright red. I contemplated taking him over to the E.R. & checking him in, but they had just received patients that were in a roll over accident. So I came home, grabbed Brily & headed up to Urgent Care.

I really was really impressed with how quickly they got us in & out, they were all business no waiting! Brily has had the same symptoms minus the ear pain & I assumed it was viral. I went ahead and took him because if it was not viral I would need medicine for him as well. Well luckily it was just viral on Brily's part. But, poor Jacer boy has a bulging ear drum & an bad ear infection. The doctor asked me if he got them frequently & he doesn't. This is actually his first ear infection, she said it did not look good. They filled his Rx there & gave him his first dose, we loaded up and headed home. It took us longer to drive to UC than to be seen.

So on the way home I called Jake & told him to get the bath water ready. We got home & instantly put the boys in the tub. Jake bathed them while I made something quick to eat since we didn't have a very big dinner, only a snack before we left. I could not send them to bed hungry. They ate, we brushed teeth & took medicines. Then for the fun part, they were in bed at 9:40p and they were NOT pleased with the fact that they were not getting to watch a movie. I knew they were both sleepy because they had played hard that day & they only slept for maybe 10 minutes in the car. I couldn't really control that, no matter how hard I tried if they want to sleep they do. So I kissed them goodnight & left the room, with in minutes someone had to "potty." After a little chat to inform them that if they did get out of bed again, they would be in trouble. Well it wasn't 10 minutes & the door was opened again. Jace was up playing & had the light on. So he had to face the consequences, he was not pleased, he did stay in bed though. Just a few minutes later Brily got up & had the light on. (I left the t.v. on the blue screen for a night light until I could get to the store to get a different one.) Poor B, sometimes he is so afraid of the dark & I am pretty certain he has bad dreams. So when I open the door he instantly started crying, I didn't have the heart to spank him. I just told him that he needed to get into bed & that he was fine, brother was right there.

At that point I needed to get in the shower, it was 10:30p. I was in there probably 10 minutes & when I got out they were asleep!! YAY! I didn't have to cave & turn on the T.V. & it only took one warning & getting onto each of them once for a success! (Yes, I call last night a success! No T.V. was in itself a success!!!) They still slept pretty late today Jace was up at 10:30a & B was up at 30 minutes later, I blame the daylight savings for that.

Let me tell you though, their mood is 110% better, they are actually snuggling right now in the recliner watching a episode of Astro boy. Much nicer than them trying to strangle each other. Jace did get into a little mischief today, he decided to grab a permanent marker that I didn't have put up & jazz himself up a bit. He also colored on a piece of paper & hang it proudly on the refrigerator. Haha! I couldn't really get on to him, he was more upset that I wouldn't wash it off of him. He also colored his nails & if you know Jace he is ANTI-nail polish. So I teased him a bit about being a girl with painted nails (even though he looks Gothic with black nails haha!).

So one step in the right direction! Hopefully tonight will go just a little better & I will be pleased :)

Sleep... It's a hott mess...

The boys have always been very good sleepers, I cannot remember a time that they wouldn't just lay down & sleep. We have never had to "Cry it out" or anything like that. And they LOVE to sleep, even as wee babes they would sleep many hours, wake-up, eat & straight back to sleep.

Here a while back we allowed the boys to have a T.V. in their room to watch before bed. (I assume problem 1) We only let them watch about 30 minutes during the day but at night before bed they can watch a movie. (And please for the sake of all that is good and wonderful do NOT lecture me on how a T.V. will fry my kids brain! If you know these two you have seen the wild imagination they have, they are not one bit behind.) We also use it for night light purposes- I know that any night light that would be plugged in would be throughly examined & little fingers would probably be black from electrical shock. Most of the time, if he didn't have a 4 hour nap from 5-9PM B would fall asleep rather quickly. J on the other hand does not, he watches the entire movie. (See: PROBLEM) Then he will come in & ask us to change the movie that is over.

We have never been real strict with a bed time routine... EVER! I stay home with them so we would put them to bed whenever we went to bed & they would wake me up in the morning. And it never failed, every single Sunday morning, it's like they know Jake is home & they wake up at 8am just to aggravate him. We do not have a "set" bedtime or a routine really. We put on nighties (read:overnight diaper), brush teeth, take vitamins & allergy medicine, give kisses, start movie & they hop into bed lights out.

As of right now they do not nap, why do they need to when they sleep 10-12 hours a night. I would though like to implement a "rest time" of some sort. Again, with a newborn it is going to be wild crazy. I think it would be good for them to have time to chill & myself as well. And NO they do not have to sleep, but they would need to play quietly in their room and chill out for a while. No longer than 30 minutes if they are not asleep & they would be woke up after an hour & a half. I cannot do the 4 hour naps RIGHT before bed time.

Sure, while it is all unicorns & daisies to sleep in until 11am, but I was up until after 2am trying to get the little monkeys to calm down, lay down & relax. It's like up, down, up, down, door open, slam door, door open, "mommy, I gotta potty," back to bed, door open, light on, tv up, "mommy, I have to poo," back to bed, light on, jumps on bed, light off... It's a never ending vicious cycle for hours. Ending in me having to be a mean Momma & get on to them. Then I was up umpteen MILLION times to pee. The inner insomniac in me has trouble going back to sleep after I up. Also, we really need to be getting to bed earlier, my dear sweet husband has to be up early & going fighting with the boys is normally left up to me for the most part. It does make it really hard for him to get up the next morning at 5:30a to go to work when he doesn't fall asleep until after midnight.

So today we are on "No Nap Status" I am gong to take them to the park and wear their little hineys out. And hopefully implement the following night night schedule. I am also going to implement new "rule/consequences" and "daily schedule."

1. Start at 9:00p
2. Brush teeth & take medicines
3. Use potty & put on "night pants"
4. Tucked into bed by 9:30p

Simple enough, Right?! We are going to have to quit the movies cold turkey. I think it will mysteriously break tonight-wish me luck. I do need to get a very kid friendly night light that they hopefully will not bother.

I am not one for big change & I am not good about making a schedule & sticking to it. Hopefully this works, we really REALLY need it to. Both boys have been in terrible moods today are absolute bears! J has thrown numerous fits, hitting brother, etc. B has spilled a whole box of spaghetti in the floor, stolen toys, beat his brother with the fly swatter & they have only been up for like an hour.

I never claimed we were normal, sane, or functional. We are what we are... borderline side show. All we need is a talking dog & one 6 legged cat. (**Side Note: I did see the CUTEST 2 legged chihuahua on television last night. My heart almost exploded it was so freaking cute. It just bunny hopped around on it's back feet. Jake could tell I was totally googly over the silly think and make it clear that I was indeed delusional if I ever thought we were getting another animal. HA!)

And they are at it again, fighting over a Happy meal toy. Evidently it is time to load up & head out!!! Hopefully they cheer up, especially Jace, he is his mother all over again, such a morning person. Well, forget I ever said that last little bit.

Heavy heart....

Sometimes I feeling like I do not process & display my emotion how society would expect me too... It's almost like is shuffle them away into my Rolodex heart & forget they are even there.

I am not a overly hormonal person & I don't cry a lot. I actually hate crying because it makes my throat hurt & my cheeks turn red. On top of that I do not deal well with other people's emotions. Crying people make me soooo very uncomfortable. I never know what to say or do, I just stand there like an idiot frozen.

Today I got onto Facebook & everything seemed so depressing & sad. I hate that, I feel like I should say something but I don't. I almost skip over & act like I never read it. I know that makes me look like a total jerk. I also see people that are affected & normally it affects me as well.

Japan for example, so many people have written about their heartache for Japan & the other affected areas. I have a foreign exchange student that lived with us when I was in Kindergarten. I will never know if she is alright or if her family is alright. That will probably haunt me forever, but it's not something I can write about or express.

Military & deployment is another example. Many of my friends have had loved ones that were deployed. I know all too well what they are feeling, my brother served for 6 years & that included 3 tours of duty. My mother & I would worry ourselves sick between letters & phone calls. I still to this day think the tours "changed" him, he is not the same brother that left. He lost his "fun & spunk for life." Yet I cannot muster a comment of encouragement to save my life.

I see young couples that struggle in their marriage & I flash back to those days. The days when I thought my marriage was over, that I could never again love the man I thought I would spend eternity with. I know how rough it can be, I remember those fights & screaming the words you cannot take back. But, I do know that it gets better, the loves comes back. Someday you will be as happy as you were the day you married. Instead, I glance over & read on.

I see people who have been affected by cancer & I never mention anything. I never repost the status for an hour, I never mention the two grandma that I lost too soon to cancer. I never mention that the only memory of my Grandma was how much she LOVED to have my mama wash her hair after she was too weak. It's so unfair but I just shuffle away those emotions & go about my days.

Today I posted Isaiah 40:31 on Facebook, I hate seeing everyone so down. Life is so unfair sometimes but we shall "soar on Eagles wings... run and not grow weary... walk and not be faint." And even though I may not express it, my heart is heavy right along with everyone else. (Maybe that verse is just as much for me.) I do care, I hate to see families separated because of deployments, I hate seeing heart break when marriages are not picket fences, sedans & cobbler on the table. I wish I remembered more about my Grandmother, but I know that some day she will meet me at those pearly gates and we will make up for lost time. I pray for every person that was affected my the recent earthquake & tsunami. And even though I don't know if Myau & her family are alright, God does. He will take care of them & protect them. If he's called them home all I can say is Lucky them!

29 Weeks... Princess Long Legs

I had my last monthly appointment & ultrasound today. I officially go every 2 weeks now, we are closing in on the end. Here is a run down of basically how the appointment went.

(bullet style cause that is how I am rolling today.)

• Princess has some LONG legs! She also has her daddy's nose & plump lips. I am assuming that her daddy & brother's have their work cut out for them.
• Consistent kidney pain (2 weeks worth) & clear evidence from urine sample only concludes I have a bad kidney infection. I am on antibiotics for 2 weeks, according to doctor they are strong & if they make me sick I will have to have them through a IV.)
• She is measuring a little bit big, obviously catching up from being a little petite at her last ultrasound.
• We scheduled the C-section for May 23rd considering I have a wonderful pregnancy full of rainbows & unicorns, but with my pregnancy reputation I wouldn't count on that. Cox has a hospital policy that no C-sections can be scheduled for more that week before the due date unless it is medically necessary. With B I went to the doctor & she said we're having a baby today, I objected since it was my cousin's birthday & begged to wait until Monday. I suspect the same thing will happen again, just guessing though.
• I got put on a diet :( Since baby is good sized & I have a higher risk of gestational diabetes, my doctor suggested I go ahead & take all precautions. I can basically have skim milk & water to drink. I also cannot have potatoes, noodles, white breads, starches, sweets, sugars, etc. Considering I could be a vegetarian this SUCKS! I could LIVE off potatoes & noodles. So while I bang my head, I remember I WANTED THIS, I just have to press on & try to survive. It could defiantly be worse!
• I think she is scheduling a appointment with my urologist. YAY! **sarcasm**
• I go back in 2 weeks on the 24th hopefully the kidney business is all better

I am not including the stats for this week since I just did them 3 days ago. I am trying to figure out a day to get a baby shower scheduled but we couldn't get a room on the original day & now some important people cannot come on the secondary date. I'm not sure what we are going to do.

Also, Big Black (my Suburban) has been acting foolish lately, the battery keeps going dead. Jake says the battery looks too small for it. I don't know but between that & the "run out of gas if it gets under a 3/4 of a tank because I'm a moody little girl" I am about to blow it up! So I have been driving the truck the last week or so since Jake hasn't had time to charge the battery & get some gas. So today I took the ONLY trusty vehicle, our $900 gas saver to Springfield to the doctor. Well his truck is stuck at the school, he thinks it is the fuel pump. All Chevy 1500 owners know that they are infamous for the fuel pumps going out. The fuel pump has whined since we bought it & well it decided that today it was D.O.N.E!! That is just another $300 we can pull from that money tree in the back yard. **back to reality** I guess we will just park it for a good while under that lousy money tree.

So overall not a wonderful day... Kidney Infection, Diet & a broken truck. On the bright side I was able to see my sweet girl. She had her hands, arms, legs & feet all in front of her face, it was too funny. He did get big black running but to be honest with you, I don't want to drive that gas guzzler. So until next time.... Toodle Loo!

It's not always about giving up....

As many of you know today is Fat Tuesday & tomorrow beings the 40 days of Lent. While most people sacrifice a vice, like the sacrifice that Christ made while he trekked the desert for 40 days, you do not have to "give up" things. You can commit to make yourself a better person, you can commit to work on relationships with Christ, family, friends, etc.

And I'm sure you know I am not Catholic & I do not know the "in's & out's" of Lent, but I am up for any reason to make myself a better person. I am going to do more than one thing for Lent and I am blogging about it to help keep myself accountable. I sure hope that when the Monday after Easter rolls around I continue to carry on with the GOOD that I have committed to and I won't miss the not so good I have left behind.

• I am going to read to my boys every single night.
• I am going to attend Church.
• I am NOT going yell & lose my temper, instead stop and ask God for self-control.
• I am gong to shut off my computer at 6:00p & spend the time that I would have been on the computer doing nothing, with my family. (Now this does not mean that I won't be online after 6:00, I just won't be on here aimlessly doing nothing.)
• I am going to keep my laundry done & my house tidy
• I am going to blog 3 times a week
• I am going to avoid MWOP & JM (sorry not everyone know what I am talking about here, but if you do... you should do the same thing :))
• Donate to charity

At the end of the 40 days I hope that I am 100% successful. If not I hope that I am at least a little bit better of a person. I guess that is really all that matters, Right?

So, are you giving up or committing to do something up for lent? If so, I would love to hear what you are doing & why.

All my love-

Whitney

28 Week update & shopping news!

**Edited to add: Clearly I am losing my ever loving mind... I did not title this post before publishing it... Dearest baby girl, stop eating my brain, there is more than enough fat you can snack on. Thank you, Love Momma**

Hello Everyone!!!

I feel like I need to re-introduce myself, I have been out of the blogasphere for quite some time now. My apologies, mommy just got a little busy. We have been so busy as a family & I know it is probably going to be this way until the baby gets here. I have been taking weekly trips to Goodwill & consignment shops trying to get my hands on some good deals. The boys are doing WONDERFUL, they are growing up so quickly. I need to do a post soon that is completely dedicated to them. They say & do some of the cutest things ever. It is hard though for me to get any pictures of them, they are nudist. I think they come by it naturally, I am pretty much anti-pants if it's just us here at the house.

I want to update everyone & for my records on the pregnancy. So with out further ado, here is this weeks highlights!

How Far along: 28 weeks 4 days

Size of the baby: Squash Average size: 15.2-16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. (7 months)

Total Gain/Loss: I'm not sure, I don't think I have gained very much yet.

I know when the water retention begins Momma will get F.A.T!

Maternity Clothes: Yes

Gender: It's a Girl!! We finally decided on a name, Neeley Kayt.

(If you ask me how to pronounce her middle then you need basic letter pronunciation skills. Sound it out... AND no "T" does not make the sound "Tee" it makes the sound "Ta" )

I signed her name on a birthday card this week so, it's that official. hah!

Movement: Girlfriend is a mover & a shaker. She can really get wound up & kick for hours!

Sleep: I cannot complain, I do have a little insomnia from time to time.

Cravings: Cherry Sprite! We are getting married so, save the date!

Today because I am a "Mom-to-be" I was able to hit up the Rhea Lana sale in Rogers. I have had more success finding things in the Springfield sale even though it is like 1/8 the size of the NWA sale. There were so many clothes on racks, you could not even move them to look. I do not need anything that bad to work that hard. I also did not have any luck with the bigger boys clothes. I don't really dress the boys in dress clothes or polo's & that is basically all there was. I did get some cute things for Neeley & I have put some pictures below. I am really too cheap for some sales. I really cringe at paying $4.00+ for anything that doesn't have a tag on it. The entire time I was thinking "At the right garage sale, I could find this for a dollar." Garage sales have ruined me my friend, I love the challenge of finding a good buy & I cannot wait for it to warm up. There will be another RL sale in April in Springfield, they are much more organized & you can actually look. There were seriously HUNDREDS of pregnant ladies there tonight, visibly pregnant women.

Here are my adorable findings.

2 pairs of shoes- both were $3.00 a piece & brand new

This is the pattern to my new FAVORITE dress. My mom has a dash hound that I have always called "sister dog." I saw this & had to have it, it's quite possibly the cutest thing ever!

Some how while shopping I picked both of these adorable very cherry Carter's pieces out. The one on the right is a onesie/pant set that was $4.00 & the one on the right is a ruffled butt onesie that was $3.00NWT. Both from different sellers & different parts of the rack. It got a good laugh when I was going through my finds, evidently I like cherries.

This was a set in itself, it is a strawberry sleeper, strawberry onesie/pant set & berry hat for $4.50. I clearly have a thing for fruit.

Here is the "new favorite set" on the right. It's is sooo darling I cannot wait to see her in it. It was also my splurge item, I debated & debated on buying it. My decision is quite obvious, it's is Gymboree set that I paid $7.00 for. It was too cute to pass on. On the left is the hearts Gymboree dress with bloomers, I paid $4.00 for it. It is also very cute.

Here is a NB dress that is handmade. I was able to snatch it up for $3.00. This does not look too difficult, so I am going to try my hand at making one of these myself.

On the right is a Carters Ruffle bottom outfit with little sweater, I think I paid $5.00 for it. I normally would not pay quite that much but it is very cute. On the right is a Carter's sleeper set that I paid $3.0o for, it matches a blanket that we bought a while back.

These are 3 Carter's onesies that are 6M that I got for $3.00 I loved the little mommy/baby zebra one & couldn't pass it up.

Last but not least I got my hands on 2 Razorback pieces. On the right is a sweet but simple Hogs dress with bloomers. I paid $4.00 for it. I am going to try and find some cute ribbon & make a bow to match this. On the right is onesie that says "Future Cheerleader" & I won't lie, hopefully someday that will be true. I am going to get some rhinestones & tulle to make a tutu to go with this & girlify (My own word thankyouverymuch!) it a little more. I paid $3.00 for it.

I think I did pretty good, I annoyed Jake by making him look at every piece & comment. He said that I "don't even need the light on" because he would say it's all "wonderful honey." I think the next time he asks me for my opinion on a classic car or a boat I will tell him "wonderful honey" & see how he likes it. :)

I have another ultrasound on Thursday & doctors appointment. She said that we might schedule the C-Section then, but I have a feeling that it will all change right at the end. It always seems to be that way & I am infamous for complicated pregnancies. I will post & keep y'all updated!

All my love,

Whitney