Gratitude....

Every morning I wake up, pull my crazy hair into a pony tail, wipe the sleepies from my eyes. Why do I get up every morning & do all that I do??? I do it for these boys, they are my world.

Brothers, Best Friends, Comforter, Snuggle Buddies & Play Mates 

I am so grateful they are mine!

Self Body Image

I do not care what any woman says, they are never ever satisfied with their body image. A good friend Shawna & I had a conversation of Facebook earlier about SBI* & I admit, I am not satisfied with my SBI.

*Self Body Image (I am too lazy to time that a million times)


I am pregnant & that really has nothing to do with it, except being pregnant to begin with didn't help along that SBI. Have I ever been truly satisfied with my body? Not for as long as I can remember. Now I was not an anorexic 9 year old, but I have had a pudgy belly the majority of my life. (Thank you Noland side of the family!) Stomachs are hard to "cover" unlike big butt that guys drool over. You never hear "Look at that girls  gut." I have no butt to even be spoke of, I have weird little bird legs and a double chin that tries to take over my face.

If someone asked me, what is one thing that you would surgically change about yourself? It would be my stupid double chin, that would be followed closely by a tummy tuck, real close. Would it do any good at all though? NOPE! I am sure I would then move onto my flabby arms or my "hello I've had 3 kids" drooping chest.

I know that Dove has a campaign, I think they call it "Dove: Campaign for Real Beauty" (yes, I just googled that) They created this amazing video to show girls & women... Well here, watch this....

It's a pretty amazing video of the "evolution" that goes on when professional are involved. They just took an average looking woman, just like you & I and made her "billboard perfect." Where are those people when I want to look good? The majority of the time I could care less about my looks. If I really cared I would not constantly walk around in t-shirts, yoga pants & my hair up in a unbrushed ponytail. Does that have something to do with being pregnant & the Momma of 2 small boys, uh, probably.

With a daughter on the way, it worries me. I don't want her to grow up wishing she was something or someone else. While I may not be satisfied with my body, I am VERY proud of who I am as a whole, fat rolls & all. My friends love me for my personality, my wit, my heart & not for my good looks. My husband loves me for me! He had definitely had skinnier girlfriends in the past, some have had prettier hair, he's dated the cheerleader typer & the preps. It obviously wasn't what he wanted or was meant to be, because he married me. (I won't go into how one was psycho, that is a whole different post haha!) I want Neeley Kayt to find someone who loves her for whats on the inside & not want on the out. That "someone" can wait 40 years to come along, but I hope her Prince Charming just loves her for her.

I hope I never find her crying in the mirror because she thinks "she's fat" or upset because some pin headed boy called her ugly. (Thank God for big brother to handle pin headed boys like that. Fighting is not allowed, unless someone is mean to your sister... or tries to kiss her!!!! *kidding, kind of) I also hope my boys are not pin headed & say mean things to girl who might not be as skinny or pretty as the girls that are portrayed on television are. (And yes, I will knock there heads off if I find out that they say or do something mean to a girl.) 


I recently went to my great aunts 80th birthday party. Her sweet husband Max made her birthday card. On the front it had a picture of Margie when she was 17 or 18, it was the picture taken of her for winning "Carnival Homecoming Queen" and read "What is as beautiful as this Homecoming Queen?" On the inside was a recent picture of her & it read (I cannot remember exactly so don't kill me) "This beauty Queen at 80 years old." All the women in my family nearly died when they read it, it was the sweetest thing every. Max loves Margie for Margie even though she is still beautiful, she's 80. I am certain he loves her more for whats on the inside than the outside. 


I am going out on a whim here to say that I think girls & women who become so obsessed with their looks, hair, make-up, fashion, etc. lose sight of themselves. Not to mention they become very full of themselves, if they are indeed pretty & are really hard to like, they are not true to who they really are. I also cringe when girls annoyingly carry on about "being fat" or "ugly." Just shut up, if it's attention you want, you are not going about it in a good way. Confidence will get you a lot more attention than a "whoa is me pity party."  I have also had "Pity Parties" myself, they don't last long & are normally silenced with a cookie. 

You just have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Everyone grows old, everyone becomes saggy, everyone get wrinkles & black hair when you're 80 is not natural. Sure, I want to lose weight, but I doubt my husband will love me more. Hopefully I will be more accepting of myself & love myself a little more. I also want to do it to be an example to my children that you should love yourself for you! I also don't want to kick the bucket anytime soon, I want to live a long healthy life. I have to make my kids life miserable you know.

Tattoos

    I was not going to blog today because I didn't really have anything to say but.... I came across something & well the snark in me took over! I just have to put this out there.

*Before reading ahead let's get one thing clear here, this is my blog & I will say what I please. If you cannot handle it there is a small "x" at the top of the page & you can help yourself. Don't leave me some nasty comment about your tattoo & I do not need a justification as to why you have a permanent unicorn tattooed on your back. I do not mean any offense by this, it's just me being me, saying what I think. Ha! Who would have ever imagined! Carry on* 


    First let me start by saying YES, I do indeed have a tattoo & NO, I am NOT against tattoo's. I understand that tattoo's are the latest and greatest fad, most are in someway sentimental to the individual. What I do not understand is when I see a "hairdresser" get a scissor tattoo. (And Jaclyn if you do this I will make so much fun of you! Seriously reconsider!) There are a lot people who are passionate about their work. Accountants, Lawyer, Police Officers, Doctors, even Stay at home Momma are passionate about raising their babies.

    So that said, should an accountant get a ledger tattooed on their ankle, or a Lawyer get 'Lady Justice' on their back? Could you really take a officer serious if he walked up and had handcuff tattooed on their wrist? Absolutely not, I would burst out laughing & probably laugh all the way to the pokey. How could you really hear a diagnosis from a doctor who has a syringe tattooed down the inside of his arm? You just simply couldn't, it's not professional, but I know that hairdresser are not doctors.

    What about jobs that are deemed less professional, more of a blue collar jobs. For instance Mechanics or Construction workers. My husband is a mechanic & I would never allow him to get a engine rod tattooed on him or a chainsaw. Construction workers don't walk around with hammer & screwdrivers tattooed on them. Truck drivers do not have the 'Mac bulldog' tattooed on them. *Correction: Anyone could very well have any of these things tattooed on them. If they do well, I consider their tattoo's just as ridiculous as a pair of scissors. 

    We are from the land of hillbillies & hicks, I know people around here get some of the stupidest tattoo's.  Some including favorite race car drivers, vehicle brands, pot leaves, etc. I think all of those are just as stupid. I guess what I am getting at the fact that you* have to live with these tattoo's forever.


*Yes, I say "YOU" not me so why should I give a crap, but let's be realistic here. 


    I just hope you don't have to have a conversation someday that go a little like this, "Yes sonny, that there is a merrywanny leaf. Pappy here just use to smoke a little herb back in his day"

    While I think some tattoo's are totally stupid, some are very meaningful. I have seen mothers who have lost babies get tattoo's in honor. Nothing show's pride like a old solider or sailor walking around with a tattoo to represent their time served. It's is on their arm just like it will always be on their hearts.

   Just imagine if everyone in the 70's got tattoo's related to that generation & their lifestyles. We would have a bunch of former hippies walking around with unicorns, rainbows, purple dragons & whatever else they happened to experience while on a acid induced trip. People in the 80's would have eight tracks & atari tattoos. Individuals of the 90's would probably have beanie babies & furbies tattoo's for heaven sake.

    I just hope that before you get your next tattoo you remember that in 20 you probably won't still be a hairdresser & you people probably won't even know who was the "World's Greatest Nascar driver" was.

    One last thing, if you do decided to get those handcuffs please, PLEASE go to someone that is reputable. My mom once worked with a girl who wanted her brother to tattoo a "shroom" (Yes, Mushroom  that you ingest & get incredibly high) on her back. Her dearest brother was much obliged, he gave her a tattoo alright. Can you imagine being 15 and super excited about this new tattoo that your totally awesome older brother gave you. I bet you are dying to get to first hour and show all the other girls & guys how awesome you are cause you got a tattoo. Too bad her brother tattoo a penis on her sholder blade, YES you read that right, A PENIS FOREVER ON HER BACK!!!! 

    Now back to your regularly scheduled programing....

Cleaning... is it really necessary?

Many of you that follow me on Twitter or if we're friends on Facebook, then you've seen my cries. The majority of the time I absolutely despise cleaning. I would become a filthy rich Momma if I could invent a "self cleaning house." Don't get me wrong, I like my house to be clean, I just don't want to do it myself. I have before mentioned that I wished "nesting" was like a permanent disorder. Why can't I want to clean? It's so pathetic that I sometimes have to buy new cleaners or laundry soaps just to give me a little inspiration to clean. 


No, we do not live in a pig sty, but sometimes it gets a little messy. My laundry piles up, A LOT books & toys get stung about and shoes get left out. I can say though, for the most part unless I am sick or really busy my dishes stay done. That is the one thing that I do not like, dirty dishes & I don't mind doing dishes. My bathroom gets neglected, toilet paper rolls miss the trashcan & lay around, laundry piles up yet again and I leave my stuff laying around on the counters. 


Now, let me be clear, it never takes me more than a couple of hours to completely clean my house; that is if I stick to it. I just have a bad habit of loading the dishwasher & then checking Facebook, sticking a load of laundry in & then checking Twitter, picking up all the toys & then getting side tracked making lunch. Like now, I could be vacuuming but I'm sitting here blogging.


My Twitter friend Melissa (@lipstickbliss  <--You should follow her if you do not already, shes a hoot!) blogged the other day about her cleaning products. So since I am cleaning today I figured I would do the same. 

L to R: Cascasde Action packs, Lysol Disinfecting wipes, Lysol Toilet bowl cleaner with Bleach, Method Multi-purpose cleaner, Method Anti-bacterial cleaner, Vinegar (way in the back), Era, Shout. 

Most of those are pretty self explanatory, I will though profess my love for a few of them & tell you about a couple I didn't photograph.

Cascade: Like I said I like doing dishes, it's about the only thing I like to do that is cleaning related. I love the little 'Action packs' because I am a slacker & refuse to pre-wash dishes. I do rinse them off, but I am not going to scrub them & what not. They really get my dishes clean, I have tried numerous other brands & types, they just don't hold a flame to the Cascade brand. 

Lysol: Something have to be bleached, our toilet is one. With 3 men & a Momma who had (thankfully past tense) fierce morning sickness, the toilet has to be clean. Nothing like your head in the toilet to realize that men have terrible aim. 'Nuff said!

Method: I really REALLY love these products. Not only do they give me a reason to head to target, they work. They are all natural, so they are safe to have around the boys. If one of the wild chillens grab hold & squirt 1/2 a bottle I know they will be safe. (Except I might be a little pissed that they wasted it, it won't hurt them.) I use the disinfecting one about every 2 days & the regular multi-purpose cleaner in between. 

Vinegar: It's a wonderful cleaner mixed 50:50 with water & is a miracle worker when it comes to laundry. I use a lot of vinegar.

Era & Shout: First I am in love with the smell of Era & equally in love with the price. Jake is a mechanic, that mean only one thing, DIRT & GREASE! Jace & Bri are messy, dirty little boys- Era really does a wonderful job getting all the stains out. Not to mention I could blissfully live in a world that smelled like Era. (It could be boarder line obsession.) I could not live without Shout! Like I said the boys are messy & honestly, I am a bit of a kluts as well. I tend to only drop red colored food on white shirts, it's annoying. Shout saves our clothes, I hate stains!! 

Not pictured:

Swiffer duster: It does it's job with the least amout of effort. It's a win/win situation. 

This bad girl is like Rosie Jetson around here. This is my Shark Deluxe steam mop & we are madly in love. She makes mopping a total breeze! She also only cleans with water, no harsh chemicals. The steam gets REAL hot, I have to mop with socks cause I am afraid I will burn my feet. My floor sparkle when I am done, I just pull the mop head off & throw the cloth in the washer. I would highly recommend a Shark Steam cleaner to anyone & everyone. It was worth every single penny. Mine came with 3 different attachment & 2 cleaning cloths for each head. There is a cheaper model that is not two sided, but I love the deluxe. When I bought mine Bed Bath & Beyond had a 20% coupon for signing up an e-mail address, so I save a little with that. 

While cleaning may be necessary, that doesn't mean I do not loath it sometimes. I have had spurts of nesting & I take FULL advantage of them. Too bad nesting won't stick around forever :( Here's an idea: How about I just sell a bunch of stuff & I would have a lot to clean & less laundry to do. Too bad I have a weird attachment to almost everything. If I'm not attached to it's probably already gone, like most of my husband stuff. *evil laugh* 

So my only advice is loud music, sunshine & open windows can do amazing things for motivation. That my friend is the 'dirty' to my cleaning. And one day when I'm rich I will be paying someone to do all of it, too bad the kids will be gone by then. *sigh*

Happy Scrubbing! 

*Lastly a side note: I want everyone to note what an idiot I am. I am normally on top of upgrades & newer versions. I think I am the only person who get excited when Twitter or Facebook changes something. I love the #newtwitter with a passion & Facebook too. Back to why I am a idiot, well... I have been using the really old version of posting here on Blogger. The other day I was asking a friend how to slash something out. Well dingbat, if you had the new Blogger it would be right at the top. No worries though, I do believe that I am up to date, just in time for something else to change. :) 

Redemption is sweet...

I have failed miserably at life. It's true, It's a past that I cannot run and hide from. Sometimes those mistakes run through my mind daily, other times I don't think about it for days.

Failure is a common feeling, I feel like I failed my husband, myself, my morals & the commitment I made to my husband & God. I took a vow & then a few short months later, let them go. Did I mean every word I said that October day in 2005? Absolutely, with all my heart. I would cry when we were separated, I wanted so bad to have that love, bliss & desire back that I had just a few short months before.

I am still to this day not sure what caused that turmoil, it could have been a number of things. I was young, very young. Barely 18 I was still a kid, I was making a commitment that was for the REST of my life. I was the baby, a spoiled rotten baby. I was use to everything being MINE for ME! It's hard go from a selfish child to a adult that is now a teammate. We had family that moved in a 2 months after we married. There was no other choice, but that selfish child in me acted just like that. Marriage is H.A.R.D absolutely NO denying that.

I gave up far to easy, I was selfish & I was inconsiderate. When I was done, I was done. I only cared about myself & my feeling. I was jealous of my friends who were headed off to college, dating & partying. I paid no consideration to the one person that loved me unconditionally & was doing everything in his power to give me what I wanted, when I wanted. I was stupid.

While Jake is not perfect, looking back the majority of the issues were my fault. That is hard to accept sometimes, I wanted so bad to have the best of both worlds. I secretly battled depression, my heart was full of discontent & envy. The one person I needed to turn to, I turned my back on.

It made for a LONG first year of marriage. Numerous time after I would royally screw up, I would beg for forgiveness, promise I had changed, attempted to be "grown up" & committed back to my husband. It wouldn't be long before I would screw it all up again. My patient, forgiving, understanding husband soon lost patience with me. I know he never stopped loving me, but it can be hard to like someone who intentionally hurts you over and over again. He was giving up on those promises & that commitment. I will never forget the last time I begged for forgiveness. It was the end of September, we were closing in on a year of marriage & he was closing out on me (with reason, I don't hold that again him for one second). I sobbed & cried, I begged & pleaded. Something told me to beg, plead, sob & cry. I think God told me, "Whitney, if you give up it is done." The stubborn in me was strong that night, but I was at his will. I would have done anything that night, it crushed my soul to hear he "wanted a divorce." Reality kicked me right in the face, but I wasn't giving up! It was as if the childish, selfish, brat just got up and walked out. The normal (for that time being) Whitney would have been begged for a while, thrown a fit & turned it around on him. Something that night silenced that person, all I could do was beg, sitting on the edge of that bed with tears streaming down my cheeks.

To say I am thankful that he gave me one last chance would be a complete & total understatement. Where would my life be today had he not given me that millionth chance? I cannot answer that question, I can only assume I would have learned a all new low, I would have fought demons I had never seen, I would have cried more tears than imaginable. While the events & actions of those 8 or 9 months were terrible, they are no longer relevant. I refuse to stick on the negative, this is REDEMPTION!!!  A few weeks after that terrible, but redeeming night Jake & I sat down & had a talk. I explained to that I was indeed a terrible wife & while I probably didn't deserve a second chance, I was thankful. We agreed that night that we would simply forgive, we wouldn't mention those days. He knew I was not perfect, but he did not want the details.

It took quite some time for him to trust me, I expected that. Through all that time God never turned his back on me, he did though allow me to hurt. He was teaching me a lesson and I learned so VERY VERY much. God rewarded us, just one short month after our reconciliation. He gave us purpose, he gave us drive, he gave us a all new meaning to life. God gave us a child! While Jace didn't save our marriage (God did), he sure made it sweet. We were shown the promises of life in his sweet face.

I thank God every single day for Jake, I am so thankful he is hard working, committed, loving, caring, forgiving. While I could go on for days, I am well aware that I am the lucky one. Even though he hates to snuggle & kiss, had dry scaly feet & leaves his dirty laundry laying around; I wouldn't change him for the world.

Redemption is so very very sweet.

Bowling

Tonight Jake & I didn't have any plans, we (I saw "we" lightly, I held the light & got the ratchet extender thing ha!) had spent fixing the fuel pump in Jake's truck. It was another successful fix, thank God! So when we finally rounded up the filthy little boys, we decided to go out to eat. We went to the new little restaurant  here in town. They boys devoured a plate of blueberry French toast, Jake had country Benedict & I had some delicious ribs.

  After dinner Jake suggested we go Bowling since we hadn't done anything as a family in a while. It was a cold dreary night here & the boys were SUPER excited. We got the BIGGEST kick out of Bri, he sometimes says his "O's" funny. Well he was calling it Boooling, he was dragging the "O" out into a real long "O" sound, instead of a short "O". We could not stop laughing, I kept asking him where we were going. It was almost like he had a little British accent.

  The boys were so excited about the rockin' neon "booling" shoes & picking out their balls. They have a little metal ramp like contraption that helps little ones bowl. The boys & I took turns "booling" since I didn't think I could bowl 2 whole games by myself & still be able to walk tomorrow.

   I've said before that Jace has a huge imagination & comes up with the cutest things out of no where. Well tonight after he bowled & knocked down a bunch a pins, we all cheered. The little stinker took a bow, it was so cute I almost died!!! Where does he come up with these things?!?! Seriously the kid is a comedian!


  I think it's safe to say we all had a wonderful time. We bowled 2 games & the boys played a game of air hockey. I begged Jake to play a game with me, but he declined. If you ask me I think he was scared I would whoop him. Ha! I wish I would have had my camera, total #momfail on my part. I think for my birthday (hint to anyone reading that doesn't know what to get me) I want a point & shoot camera that I can keep in my purse. (Thank you in advance hehe!) 

  Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend! The Jace is watching Astro boy, Bri is snoozing & Jake went to play pitch. I am of course blogging :) Have a wonderful Sunday! I hope the sun is shining in the morning!

I am WAYYYY behind (31 weeks)

Second post in one day, Whoooo diddly! Actually, I wrote the majority of the last post the other day & didn't have time to finish it & hit publish. I did though want to do a pregnancy/life/everything in general update! So, here you go,

31 Week Doctors appointment update (bullet style again, it works & why fix something that isn't broken hah!)

• Princess is perfect, she's busy & she's growing right where she should be.
• I did not gain any weight HALLE-freakin-LUJAH!!!! I guess passing on all those sweets paid off, even though I DID eat some of mama's pie & Pioneer woman's Apple Dumplings.
• Due to continuing kidney pain & debilitating charlie horses the doctor thinks I may have a electrolyte imbalance. She just added a few vitamins to my prenatal & said that should help a lot. Also suggested drinking Gatorade to get some potassium.
• I go back in two weeks, it's going by sooo fast!!!!

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far along: 31 weeks 2 days

Size of the baby: Still the size of a Squash

15.2-16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. (7 months)

Total Gain/Loss: Let's just say last month sucked & this appointed I didn't gain any. Win some lose some :)

Maternity Clothes: Yes

Gender: It's a Girl!! We finally decided on a name, Neeley Kayt.

(If you ask me how to pronounce her middle then you need basic letter pronunciation skills. Sound it out... AND no "T" does not make the sound "Tee" it akes the sound "Ta" )

I signed her name on a birthday card this week so, it's that official. hah!

Movement: Girlfriend is a mover & a shaker. She can really get wound up & kick for hours!

Sleep: Ugh, Insomnia hit & hit HARD! The past few night I either cannot fall asleep or I go to sleep and wake up at 3 am and stay awake for HOURS! I am sooo over that business!

Cravings: Not a lot this week, I have been trying to be good.

And for Life, it is going. We have had our fair share of car trouble this month. Jake finally was able to fix the #1 problem we had when we bought Big Black. We knew it when we bought it & that is why we got such a good deal. Turns out it was caused by the same thing that ruined the computer in the truck. When the previous owner had it, the battery exploded & leaked acid all over the place. Well, ate through some wires, one shorted out the computer & the other was the ground pulse to the 8th injector. The injector was not actually bad it so it was a cheap fix once we figured it out. But the battery was still bad, it finally just QUIT going to Monett (just a day or two after we fixed the wire, totally coincidental) . My brother brought me the battery from Jake truck, mind you it had ALSO been going bad. Well it made it to Monett & back to Purdy, then QUIT! By this point I was beyond frustrated. Jake had to come & jump it, it started and went about 4 miles, quit again. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat... 6 times I died coming back to Cassville, finally limped it into Carquest & BOTH batteries tested bad. Just my luck! We got new bigger batteries & viola! Everything is peachy keen, except for the fact that Jake fuel pump finally bit the dust, he is replacing that today! I am so over car trouble!!!!

We sold the bass cat, you know this boat. I was a little sad to see it go but not the payment & insurance. Believe it or not Jake already has yet ANOTHER boat, but it was WAYYYY cheaper & WAYYYY less to maintain. I call it a "John boat" & he corrects me every single time, I stand corrected calling it a Aluminum boat. Maybe he will keep this one and stop this excessive buying, trading, selling habit he inherited from his father. Jake also joined a "Cigar club," I get quite a kick out of it & he doesn't think it's as funny. Oh well!

We have made absolutely NO progress on Neeley's room & it is about to make me crazy. We are in the process of finding a form of storage, we are looking at both a building or a reefer trailer. We just have a few weeks to find it. I might temporarily store things in my mom's garage, just don't tell her! *hi, mom!*

The boys are doing WONDERFUL! They haven't made me crazy yet, although they have attempted a time or two. I PROMISE I am going to have a post on them very very soon! Jace did burn his hand yesterday on a halogen light. It looks terrible, but he IS leaving the bandage on- Praise Jesus!! Bri is just being Bri lately, he spilled a whole bowl of cereal in the floor just this morning. He keeps me on my toes, little stinker!

Well until next time... All my love...

P.S. I got a new e-mail address mrskloss@gmail(dot)com

I will no longer be using whitney(dot)scentsy@gmail(dot)com