Well I have a "Heavy Mind" I have so many things that I want to say. I haven't yet because I don't know if it is my place to say anything or if it's even relevant to me. (Yes, those could be the exact same thing but that is not how I mean it.) Sometimes I feel like I just need to shut up before I dig myself into a hole. But if I don't say anything I feel like an asshole & it seems as if I don't care when I really do.
People have always told me that I have a "Old Soul." Most of the time I just don't see it. Often I feel like I have the right thing to say, then the when it comes to real hard core emotions I freeze. For example, I cannot come up with the words to say to a friend that lost her baby. I don't want her to think I'm an ass & don't care, that could not be any further from the truth. I just don't know what to say, I freeze or phrase & rephrase what I should or could say & then I don't. Or another friend that has been thrown shit sack after shit sack, I want to be encouraging & positive, but then I feel like the obnoxious cheerleader that you just want to shove a sock in their mouth.
I am so much more comfortable with making people laugh & saying completely ridiculous things. Those come naturally to me, but the serious, heart felt things do not. I am afraid I will be mistaken for someone who doesn't care. I really have this problem if I haven't experienced a situation first hand.
So, my ramblings for day... it's feels great to get it off my mind. Hopefully I can begin to process all those lingering things in my mind. Most of them are ridiculously stupid but at least they won't be all naggy and such.
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