Heavy heart....

Sometimes I feeling like I do not process & display my emotion how society would expect me too... It's almost like is shuffle them away into my Rolodex heart & forget they are even there.

I am not a overly hormonal person & I don't cry a lot. I actually hate crying because it makes my throat hurt & my cheeks turn red. On top of that I do not deal well with other people's emotions. Crying people make me soooo very uncomfortable. I never know what to say or do, I just stand there like an idiot frozen.

Today I got onto Facebook & everything seemed so depressing & sad. I hate that, I feel like I should say something but I don't. I almost skip over & act like I never read it. I know that makes me look like a total jerk. I also see people that are affected & normally it affects me as well.

Japan for example, so many people have written about their heartache for Japan & the other affected areas. I have a foreign exchange student that lived with us when I was in Kindergarten. I will never know if she is alright or if her family is alright. That will probably haunt me forever, but it's not something I can write about or express.

Military & deployment is another example. Many of my friends have had loved ones that were deployed. I know all too well what they are feeling, my brother served for 6 years & that included 3 tours of duty. My mother & I would worry ourselves sick between letters & phone calls. I still to this day think the tours "changed" him, he is not the same brother that left. He lost his "fun & spunk for life." Yet I cannot muster a comment of encouragement to save my life.

I see young couples that struggle in their marriage & I flash back to those days. The days when I thought my marriage was over, that I could never again love the man I thought I would spend eternity with. I know how rough it can be, I remember those fights & screaming the words you cannot take back. But, I do know that it gets better, the loves comes back. Someday you will be as happy as you were the day you married. Instead, I glance over & read on.

I see people who have been affected by cancer & I never mention anything. I never repost the status for an hour, I never mention the two grandma that I lost too soon to cancer. I never mention that the only memory of my Grandma was how much she LOVED to have my mama wash her hair after she was too weak. It's so unfair but I just shuffle away those emotions & go about my days.

Today I posted Isaiah 40:31 on Facebook, I hate seeing everyone so down. Life is so unfair sometimes but we shall "soar on Eagles wings... run and not grow weary... walk and not be faint." And even though I may not express it, my heart is heavy right along with everyone else. (Maybe that verse is just as much for me.) I do care, I hate to see families separated because of deployments, I hate seeing heart break when marriages are not picket fences, sedans & cobbler on the table. I wish I remembered more about my Grandmother, but I know that some day she will meet me at those pearly gates and we will make up for lost time. I pray for every person that was affected my the recent earthquake & tsunami. And even though I don't know if Myau & her family are alright, God does. He will take care of them & protect them. If he's called them home all I can say is Lucky them!

29 Weeks... Princess Long Legs

I had my last monthly appointment & ultrasound today. I officially go every 2 weeks now, we are closing in on the end. Here is a run down of basically how the appointment went.

(bullet style cause that is how I am rolling today.)

• Princess has some LONG legs! She also has her daddy's nose & plump lips. I am assuming that her daddy & brother's have their work cut out for them.
• Consistent kidney pain (2 weeks worth) & clear evidence from urine sample only concludes I have a bad kidney infection. I am on antibiotics for 2 weeks, according to doctor they are strong & if they make me sick I will have to have them through a IV.)
• She is measuring a little bit big, obviously catching up from being a little petite at her last ultrasound.
• We scheduled the C-section for May 23rd considering I have a wonderful pregnancy full of rainbows & unicorns, but with my pregnancy reputation I wouldn't count on that. Cox has a hospital policy that no C-sections can be scheduled for more that week before the due date unless it is medically necessary. With B I went to the doctor & she said we're having a baby today, I objected since it was my cousin's birthday & begged to wait until Monday. I suspect the same thing will happen again, just guessing though.
• I got put on a diet :( Since baby is good sized & I have a higher risk of gestational diabetes, my doctor suggested I go ahead & take all precautions. I can basically have skim milk & water to drink. I also cannot have potatoes, noodles, white breads, starches, sweets, sugars, etc. Considering I could be a vegetarian this SUCKS! I could LIVE off potatoes & noodles. So while I bang my head, I remember I WANTED THIS, I just have to press on & try to survive. It could defiantly be worse!
• I think she is scheduling a appointment with my urologist. YAY! **sarcasm**
• I go back in 2 weeks on the 24th hopefully the kidney business is all better

I am not including the stats for this week since I just did them 3 days ago. I am trying to figure out a day to get a baby shower scheduled but we couldn't get a room on the original day & now some important people cannot come on the secondary date. I'm not sure what we are going to do.

Also, Big Black (my Suburban) has been acting foolish lately, the battery keeps going dead. Jake says the battery looks too small for it. I don't know but between that & the "run out of gas if it gets under a 3/4 of a tank because I'm a moody little girl" I am about to blow it up! So I have been driving the truck the last week or so since Jake hasn't had time to charge the battery & get some gas. So today I took the ONLY trusty vehicle, our $900 gas saver to Springfield to the doctor. Well his truck is stuck at the school, he thinks it is the fuel pump. All Chevy 1500 owners know that they are infamous for the fuel pumps going out. The fuel pump has whined since we bought it & well it decided that today it was D.O.N.E!! That is just another $300 we can pull from that money tree in the back yard. **back to reality** I guess we will just park it for a good while under that lousy money tree.

So overall not a wonderful day... Kidney Infection, Diet & a broken truck. On the bright side I was able to see my sweet girl. She had her hands, arms, legs & feet all in front of her face, it was too funny. He did get big black running but to be honest with you, I don't want to drive that gas guzzler. So until next time.... Toodle Loo!

It's not always about giving up....

As many of you know today is Fat Tuesday & tomorrow beings the 40 days of Lent. While most people sacrifice a vice, like the sacrifice that Christ made while he trekked the desert for 40 days, you do not have to "give up" things. You can commit to make yourself a better person, you can commit to work on relationships with Christ, family, friends, etc.

And I'm sure you know I am not Catholic & I do not know the "in's & out's" of Lent, but I am up for any reason to make myself a better person. I am going to do more than one thing for Lent and I am blogging about it to help keep myself accountable. I sure hope that when the Monday after Easter rolls around I continue to carry on with the GOOD that I have committed to and I won't miss the not so good I have left behind.

• I am going to read to my boys every single night.
• I am going to attend Church.
• I am NOT going yell & lose my temper, instead stop and ask God for self-control.
• I am gong to shut off my computer at 6:00p & spend the time that I would have been on the computer doing nothing, with my family. (Now this does not mean that I won't be online after 6:00, I just won't be on here aimlessly doing nothing.)
• I am going to keep my laundry done & my house tidy
• I am going to blog 3 times a week
• I am going to avoid MWOP & JM (sorry not everyone know what I am talking about here, but if you do... you should do the same thing :))
• Donate to charity

At the end of the 40 days I hope that I am 100% successful. If not I hope that I am at least a little bit better of a person. I guess that is really all that matters, Right?

So, are you giving up or committing to do something up for lent? If so, I would love to hear what you are doing & why.

All my love-

Whitney

28 Week update & shopping news!

**Edited to add: Clearly I am losing my ever loving mind... I did not title this post before publishing it... Dearest baby girl, stop eating my brain, there is more than enough fat you can snack on. Thank you, Love Momma**

Hello Everyone!!!

I feel like I need to re-introduce myself, I have been out of the blogasphere for quite some time now. My apologies, mommy just got a little busy. We have been so busy as a family & I know it is probably going to be this way until the baby gets here. I have been taking weekly trips to Goodwill & consignment shops trying to get my hands on some good deals. The boys are doing WONDERFUL, they are growing up so quickly. I need to do a post soon that is completely dedicated to them. They say & do some of the cutest things ever. It is hard though for me to get any pictures of them, they are nudist. I think they come by it naturally, I am pretty much anti-pants if it's just us here at the house.

I want to update everyone & for my records on the pregnancy. So with out further ado, here is this weeks highlights!

How Far along: 28 weeks 4 days

Size of the baby: Squash Average size: 15.2-16.7 inches, 2.5-3.8 lb. (7 months)

Total Gain/Loss: I'm not sure, I don't think I have gained very much yet.

I know when the water retention begins Momma will get F.A.T!

Maternity Clothes: Yes

Gender: It's a Girl!! We finally decided on a name, Neeley Kayt.

(If you ask me how to pronounce her middle then you need basic letter pronunciation skills. Sound it out... AND no "T" does not make the sound "Tee" it makes the sound "Ta" )

I signed her name on a birthday card this week so, it's that official. hah!

Movement: Girlfriend is a mover & a shaker. She can really get wound up & kick for hours!

Sleep: I cannot complain, I do have a little insomnia from time to time.

Cravings: Cherry Sprite! We are getting married so, save the date!

Today because I am a "Mom-to-be" I was able to hit up the Rhea Lana sale in Rogers. I have had more success finding things in the Springfield sale even though it is like 1/8 the size of the NWA sale. There were so many clothes on racks, you could not even move them to look. I do not need anything that bad to work that hard. I also did not have any luck with the bigger boys clothes. I don't really dress the boys in dress clothes or polo's & that is basically all there was. I did get some cute things for Neeley & I have put some pictures below. I am really too cheap for some sales. I really cringe at paying $4.00+ for anything that doesn't have a tag on it. The entire time I was thinking "At the right garage sale, I could find this for a dollar." Garage sales have ruined me my friend, I love the challenge of finding a good buy & I cannot wait for it to warm up. There will be another RL sale in April in Springfield, they are much more organized & you can actually look. There were seriously HUNDREDS of pregnant ladies there tonight, visibly pregnant women.

Here are my adorable findings.

2 pairs of shoes- both were $3.00 a piece & brand new

This is the pattern to my new FAVORITE dress. My mom has a dash hound that I have always called "sister dog." I saw this & had to have it, it's quite possibly the cutest thing ever!

Some how while shopping I picked both of these adorable very cherry Carter's pieces out. The one on the right is a onesie/pant set that was $4.00 & the one on the right is a ruffled butt onesie that was $3.00NWT. Both from different sellers & different parts of the rack. It got a good laugh when I was going through my finds, evidently I like cherries.

This was a set in itself, it is a strawberry sleeper, strawberry onesie/pant set & berry hat for $4.50. I clearly have a thing for fruit.

Here is the "new favorite set" on the right. It's is sooo darling I cannot wait to see her in it. It was also my splurge item, I debated & debated on buying it. My decision is quite obvious, it's is Gymboree set that I paid $7.00 for. It was too cute to pass on. On the left is the hearts Gymboree dress with bloomers, I paid $4.00 for it. It is also very cute.

Here is a NB dress that is handmade. I was able to snatch it up for $3.00. This does not look too difficult, so I am going to try my hand at making one of these myself.

On the right is a Carters Ruffle bottom outfit with little sweater, I think I paid $5.00 for it. I normally would not pay quite that much but it is very cute. On the right is a Carter's sleeper set that I paid $3.0o for, it matches a blanket that we bought a while back.

These are 3 Carter's onesies that are 6M that I got for $3.00 I loved the little mommy/baby zebra one & couldn't pass it up.

Last but not least I got my hands on 2 Razorback pieces. On the right is a sweet but simple Hogs dress with bloomers. I paid $4.00 for it. I am going to try and find some cute ribbon & make a bow to match this. On the right is onesie that says "Future Cheerleader" & I won't lie, hopefully someday that will be true. I am going to get some rhinestones & tulle to make a tutu to go with this & girlify (My own word thankyouverymuch!) it a little more. I paid $3.00 for it.

I think I did pretty good, I annoyed Jake by making him look at every piece & comment. He said that I "don't even need the light on" because he would say it's all "wonderful honey." I think the next time he asks me for my opinion on a classic car or a boat I will tell him "wonderful honey" & see how he likes it. :)

I have another ultrasound on Thursday & doctors appointment. She said that we might schedule the C-Section then, but I have a feeling that it will all change right at the end. It always seems to be that way & I am infamous for complicated pregnancies. I will post & keep y'all updated!

All my love,

Whitney

Dilemma's & Decision's

So, as many of you know I have been selling Scenty for about a year & a half. While I love the product, business, people who I work with, etc. I just do not know what to do.

When I signed up I had NO intentions of making a "big business" out of it. I wanted to keep it small & enjoyable. I do not like being away from the boys much. I did not want to get burnt out by doing too many parties. I have had some good show & I have made good money, but my heart just isn't into it much anymore. Every Linda, Louise, Laura & Lisa sell it here locally. I am NOT one for competion when it comes to business, I don't need money or business THAT bad. I kind of feel like I am burnt out on it. It seems like I scrounge to find a qualifying order to place for my 3 month deadline.

I have a few loyal customers that order online. They are really the only reason I have contiuned to sell it. I do have a great friend that they could order through the same way they do me (The same person I will order through). I just don't know what to do, I could really use a little input & advice...

Basically what the heck would you do??? AND let's be realistic!

Oh and I am due to have the baby at the end of May. I am seriously going to have NO time for anything for a long time.

I ALSO have a post coming to update everyone on the baby!!!

And PLEASE people I really need some input on this issue. I have been stuck for some while & I need to decide. I need to get on the bandwagon & ride or get off. I only have until May to decide, since the baby will be here then.

25 Weeks!

Hola!!! from the Frozen Tundra!

We have been snowed in for the last 2 weeks, my poor poor sanity. It has been crazy around here, nesting is making an appearance & things are getting cleaned & organized. I have had cabin fever like crazy. It's amazing how I can stay home everyday all day & not go stir crazy, but the fact that I cannot get out in the snow & ice makes me silly!

We had our monthly doctors appointment yesterday & little miss looks wonderful!!! I had another glucose test done as well. I need to call tomorrow & find out how I did. The boys are also doing wonderful! We beat the cold that we had a few weeks ago & are back to are wild selves. Brily did have to go to the doctor a few weeks ago, poor little man is anemic. We now have to give him iron 2 times a day & push iron rich foods [okay doc *rolls eyes*]

Please excuse the messy pony, no make-up, nasty pregnancy pimple face, non-maternity sweater & bathroom self photo. I do what I can :)

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far along: 25 weeks

Size of the baby: Egg plant 13.6-14.8 inches, 1.5-2.2 lb.

Total Gain/Loss: 4 pounds

Maternity Clothes: I do wear them because they are comfortable but I still have normal [read:old fat jeans] that still fit.

Gender: It's a Girl!!

Movement: Still kicking like crazy, she has her own schedule already. She wakes about every 4 hours. Every night at midnight she go absolutely nuts! I'm afraid she'll be a night owl like her mommy.

Sleep: Good, I woke up one morning on my stomach. It shocked me, poor baby!

Cravings: Nothing in particular, I did get Oriental House tonight so I guess I don't have a reason to have a craving. :)

Thank heaven it is suppose to warm up! Monday is suppose to be in the 60's HOORAY! My next appointment is on the 10th of March & we will get to peek at my best girl again! We need to get a good accurate size to know when to schedule the C-Section.

Also- this week has had it's up's & down's, my friend/neighbor from elementary school found out she was expecting & my friend from high school lost her baby. It's all so hard to process, I will be praying for both of them. Also, Jakes cousin who lost her baby a while back found out today that she is expecting a little boy! I am so excited for them asw well.

Until next time... ALL my love,

Whitney

If you never read a post, PLEASE read this one!

I have been so lucky through out my pregnancies. I have had my share of complications but in the end I was rewarded with healthy babies. My babies never struggled to breathe, I never looked into their isolettes wishing I could hold them. I never wondered if my baby would make it through the night. More things in life that I have taken for granted.

My dear, sweet, strong friend Stephanie from 'The Leaky Sippy' hasn't been as lucky. She has experienced preterm labor & bed rest. I'm sure she's laid in hospital bed hoping & praying that the doctors will stop the labor. Possibly laid with uncertainity of what the future holds for her & her baby. Until today, when I read her post, I had no idea that she had experienced what I would consider one of th greatest losses in life. Her sweet son was born into the arms of Jesus at 17.5 weeks.

Even with all of her struggles & loss, she is one of the strongest women I know [yet to meet]. She is a awesome mother & adores her sweet babies, although her daughters are not quite babies anymore. She is not a mother who sits & wallows in the pity, she doesn't play the victim card like a lot of women/bloggers who have lost babies do. She's getting out there to help other babies & mothers. She nothing short of amazing.

This year she has decided to participate in the 'March for Babies.' She is marching for her sweet son who was too little to fight. She is marching so that other babies who are born too early & are very sick, will have every chance to fight. Marching so no other mother has to experience the hurt of losing a baby.

Will you help? Will you forgo your starbucks this morning & donate? Will you wait a week for that new purse & donate? Every dollar counts, every dollar makes a difference.

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

Head over to her blog & read her very inspiring story, if you can & feel led give a dollar or ten. Help spread the word for babies who are not strong enough to. Thank you all so much!